First wedding, second wedding.

I've decided to just use this blog to sort through all the thoughts that have been going through my head with the planning.

This being my second wedding, I don't want the princess wedding. I can't tell if that's from getting married to wrong person but with a lovely wedding that makes me hyper aware that the wedding is nothing if the truth, love, and commitment isn't there in the first place. And now that I have someone who I love unconditionally, who makes me a better person, who makes life better just being there....I just want to marry HIM. Everything else about the wedding is just a bonus, and sometimes a detractor.

We have about 150 people on our guest list, and I'm happy to celebrate with them all. They're important people in our lives who know us as individuals, as a couple, and who will whole-heartedly celebrate this special day. But for the ceremony...it seems too intimate to be witnessed by so many people. It feels too much like a pagent.

Really, it should just the two of us. This is our promise to each other and no one else. But, it means something to me to make that promise to him, to my family, and to his family as well. I am taking him into my family, and he is becoming a part of mine too. It's as if I'm promising his family, who have loved and supported him his entire life, that they can trust me to do the same. I think a lot of wedding ceremonies don't acknowledge that. I think when there's too much ceremony and ritual, the true weight of your vows can get lost. If the bride had to look into the face of the groom's family and make that promise, that's not something you take lightly.

I've decided I just want our immediate family there and a handful of our closest friends. It's the most meaningful part of the day and I only want those who matter there.